I was in a meeting once during which 20 minutes disappeared into that exercise. The two teams had real work to coordinate and a deadline to hit. We got to it with maybe a third of the meeting gone.

I’m not against knowing my coworkers, I like the people I work with. But there’s a kind of workplace culture that mistakes time spent together for intimacy, and it usually shows up as mandatory fun.

It’s a close relative of the company that calls itself a family.

I tense up every time I hear that one. I already have a family. A family doesn’t come with a two-week notice clause and it isn’t at-will. When a business says we’re all family here, it’s asking me to feel something the structure can’t return.

And that’s fine. Companies are built to serve the company. That’s the design, and there’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t need my employer to love me. I need clear expectations and to be treated like an adult who was hired to do a job.

Volunteers sorting canned goods and supplies at a food bank

Here’s what does work, and I see it where I am now. The closest thing we do to a team bonding activity is a volunteer day at the food bank. It’s not performative and nobody is cosplaying. We show up, do something that matters, and it happens to line up with why the organization exists in the first place. You end the day actually liking the people you stacked cans with.

That’s the sign. Connection at work is a byproduct of doing real things together. It isn’t a calendar invite.